There must have been something in the water. Or, perhaps it was simply the overwhelming heat. Regardless of the cause, last week was the week of discouragement. Everyone I talked to was “blue.” The reasons may have changed from person to person but result was the same. They were discouraged.
One of my girlfriends is a very talented singer and songwriter. She’s had a modest amount of success with both endeavors. No, she doesn’t have any number one hits yet but people are recording her songs. Her songs are excellent and frankly, I think it’s only a matter of time until she breaks over and gets to play and write with the “big” boys in Nashville. She’s considering giving it up and moving on. Why? She thinks that she’s too old and has missed the window of opportunity to be truly successful in this field. She’s 10 years my junior. She’s discouraged.
Another friend, also another talented songwriter, wrote me an email telling me that he was moving on and pursuing other interests. While he’ll never give up music or songwriting (who could give up their heart’s passion?) completely, he’s no longer going to pursue songwriting as a career. Why? At age 60, he’s found the industry doors not only shut but windows nailed down, moats surrounding the perimeter and guarded by soul-sucking “suits.” No matter how good his songs, he cannot even get his foot through the front door to say hello. He’s discouraged.
I must say that I can relate to where they were coming from. I was discouraged last week myself. I still don’t have a job and didn’t get a job after a series of promising interviews. A book I’ve been working on was not going the way I wanted. I suddenly developed an intense dislike for a book that is already with the publisher and found myself wanting to scrap the whole project. I could not make a song that I was writing come together the way I wanted. I was discouraged.
The Merriam-Webster online dictionary defines “discouraged” as:
“1: to deprive of courage or confidence : DISHEARTEN <was discouraged by repeated failure> 2 a: to hinder by disfavoring <trying to discourage absenteeism> b: to dissuade or attempt to dissuade from doing something <tried to discourage her from going>[1]
Do you realize that to discourage is a transitive verb? This means that somewhere, someone is taking an action that leads to the result of depriving another of their courage or confidence. Someone is performing actions, whether overtly or covertly, that dissuade another from attempting to follow their dreams. Someone is actively hindering another by disfavoring them without provocation. For lack of a better reference, I call them Acts of Discouragement.
Keep in mind that we can be our own worst enemy in the discouragement department. We can, and often do, sabotage ourselves. We are perfectly capable of victimizing ourselves by committing Acts of Discouragement against our “self” without any outside assistance. Regardless of whether it is self-inflicted or received from another, most of us see these Acts of Discouragement frequently in our day to day life.
One of my friends tells of going into an interview where his skills and qualifications were an excellent match with the job requirements. The interviewer was a young woman, perhaps 25 years old. The shock on her face when she saw a “grey-hair” was more than evident. The interview lasted less than 5 minutes. Many of my 50+ friends tell similar stories which are too numerous to mention.
These types of Acts of Discouragement aren’t just limited to those seeking traditional jobs. My songwriter friends are coming up against the same type of prejudices and Acts of Discouragement in their songwriting and performance endeavors. Because they are both no longer a part of the 30-something generation, they can’t get a reasonable foot in the door. It is as if there is an invisible, unwritten rule that states that if your skin does not still suffer from acne, you are somehow less in every respect. It does not seem to be enough for those in “charge” to merely close the door to opportunity to the 40 plus crowd, they also seem to have a mindset that because we are 40 plus, we should quit dreaming, quit daring, quit living and leave the dreaming of dreams to the younger crowd who still have “life” ahead of them.
We hear this so much that we may even come to believe it. As I said before, we can be our own worst enemy in this area. I know that I am able to beat myself up and stir up a good case of discouragement and depression without any outside interference whatsoever, thank you very much! It takes energy to be positive all the time and I’m only human. I get discouraged too and wonder if the “fight” is worth the effort.
When one commits an Act of Discouragement against you (or you commit one against yourself), it is very easy for the end result to manifest in your life all too quickly. It is easy for discouragement to turn into depression, particularly if discouragement is ongoing and long-term. This is true whether you are engaged in a job search, in a bad relationship, or merely seeking fulfillment of your dreams. Depression is an enemy robs us of our will and leads to apathy and inaction. Depression causes us to stop dreaming or to recall our dreams only with bitterness and sadness. Depression causes us to stop living.
Uphill battles are never fun. They are hard – arduous – difficult – overwhelming – and sometimes terribly lonely. My girlfriend, Leslie, climbed Mount Everest for her 40th birthday. It was a gift to herself to celebrate life. The climb was hell but she will tell you that it was so worth it when she reached the top. So it is with our lives – it will be so worth it when you the source of your passion – your inner core – where dreams live.
It seems that there is no shortage of discouragement these days or Acts of Discouragement, particularly directed at the “EX-Generation.” Acts of Discouragement are a crime not only against others, but you and humanity as well. To discourage another to the point where they quit dreaming, quit trying, robs all of us from the what-might-have-been. Consider how our lives and world might be different if the following people had listened to naysayers or had denied themselves the pleasure of following dreams.
Anna Mary Robertson Moses Anna Mary Robertson Moses was better known as Grandma Moses. She is a famous American painter. In 1949, President Harry Truman presented her with the Women’s National Press Club Trophy Award for her outstanding achievement in art. Grandma Moses had terrible arthritis which left her unable to crochet. Rather than give in to inactivity, she started painting. She was 76 years old before she began painting![2]
Harland David Sanders Most of us know him as Colonel Sanders, the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken (now known as KFC). What you may not have known is that he started his first Kentucky Fried Chicken franchise at age 65! He used $105 from his first social security check to fund his visits to prospective franchisees. He also reportedly had over a thousand rejections before his first success. [3]
Ray Kroc Ray Kroc was a salesman. He sold paper cups during the day and later milkshake machines. He played the piano for a radio station at night. (I like this man already!) In 1954, he came across a very effective restaurant owned by two brothers, Dick and Mac, which specialized in burgers, fries and milkshakes. In 1955, he talked Dick and Mac into letting him open another restaurant modeled after theirs. He was 52 years old and suffered from diabetes and arthritis. Not the best time of life to be going into business. The name of the restaurant? McDonalds. Need I say more?[4]
Seventy-six, sixty-five, fifty-two. Do you notice a pattern? All were over 40 when they achieved the greatest dreams of their lives. They are not alone. Consider also Sam Walton (founder of Wal-Mart at about age 40), Sister Marion Irvine (qualified for the Olympic marathon trials at age 54 – she didn’t start running until age 47!), Ronald Regan (did not become governor of California until age 61 and of course, later became president). These are only a few of the people who achieved the greatest successes in their lives after the age of 40. The list could go on for volumes.
What did these people all have in common? They overcame Acts of Discouragement. They continued to dream and reach for their dreams regardless of the obstacles that they faced in their lives. My personal belief is that we are never too old to not only dream dreams, but make them come true as well. As long as you are breathing, you have life and it should be lived fully, abundantly, without measure or reserve.
To all of us out there who are discouraged today, who have quit dreaming dreams, who are ready to throw in the white towel, because you’ve suffered through more Acts of Discouragement than you can remember, I have this to say. Be encouraged. Have hope. Continue dreaming. When you are discouraged, remember Grandma Moses, Sister Marion, Colonel Sanders, Ronald Regan and all the others who continued to dream despite the obstacles that they faced. Never stop dreaming! I repeat – NEVER STOP DREAMING!
Put a plan in place to achieve your dreams. Surround yourself with those who speak encouragement to you. Believe in the dream. Believe in yourself. Remember, all these people (Grandma Moses, Sister Marion, etc.) were people just like you and I. They were simply ordinary people who achieved extraordinary things because they refused to quit dreaming and reaching for the vision and passion within themselves. If the dream is within your heart, then no obstacle – not age, not disability, not health – can stop you from achieving it. The only one who can stop you from obtaining your dream is yourself. Ignore those who speak discouragement and go to the next door. It’s their loss. When the time is right the door will open. In the meantime, never stop dreaming!
Live long. Live well. Live happy. The most important thing is to LIVE!
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[1] http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/discouraged[2] http://www.notablebiographies.com/Mo-Ni/Moses-Grandma.html; http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Grandma_Moses
[3] Intershttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Harland_Sanders ; http://www.kfc.com/about/history.asp
[4] Jacques Pepin, Time 100 – The Most Important People of the Century: Ray Kroc, McDonald’s begat an industry bcecause a 52-year-old mixer salesman understood that we don’t dine – we eat and run, Time, 07 Dec 1998, http://www.time.com/time/time100/builder/profile/kroc.html; http://www.aboutmcdonalds.com/mcd/our_company/mcd_history.html
Tags: Grandma Moses, Older Workers, People who achieved fame after age 40, reinventing yourself, reinventing yourself after a layoff, Sister Marion Irvine, Unemployment